A member of the palliative care community shares their thoughts on their experiences with people under care. Maybe one of the most interesting aspects is that each and every one found their peace, each one. The piece continues with a list of the top five regrets. I was almost afraid to read on. Or maybe this is an opportunity to understand (in generalized terms) and learn from the lessons of the others before you. So on I read.
First - courage to live my life
Second - don't work so hard
Third - express feelings
Fourth - keep in touch with friends
Mhmmmmm. I believe I could say with some certainty that I do not think I would have those particular regrets. Wow, that's kinda cool. Maybe there are things that really have come together as they should with wise choices. Particularly the last years of trying more consciously to make those choices 'fit'. I recognized some years ago that much of my life path had some pretty dark and deep-seeded resentment and anger, that was the spawn of (1) some genetics I expect and (2) not knowing/understanding/expressing/whatever - an emotional infant. Fundamentally, there was a hidden mismatch of emotions led by a pretty healthy dose of arrogance and intolerance and a rather narrow perspective. Having gained that conscious conscience has been a valuable (and at times rather complicated) travel.
Much earlier than recent revelations, after a bout in the hospital with a migraine headache for three excruciating days in the late 80's, I swore to myself that I would pay more attention to managing stress. Stress from starting the farm from scratch, and building a professional career on parallel paths. Then adding the children, and growing the business further, and achieving the executive ranks. But I believe time was reasonably well managed. It was a busy but inclusive life, family wise. There have been times when keeping in touch with friends was more challenging. I probably fell down the most on the expressing of feelings. And this is an aspect that I have to continue to work diligently at - because, the Fifth, as shown below, I believe is linked to the Third. I would have the Fifth one is spades. I continue with deep insecurities that influence my social behaviour. To the extent that I limit my happiness as a function of not expressing myself as I somehow believe I should. I'm not meeting my own expectations in that department. Expectations. That's the crux. Like people sometimes say - you're just so hard on yourself. What is the driver of that attitude?
This piece lends some insight. It comes back to choices, conscious choices that feed the conscience. It has given me another valuable perspective, and one that I can work with further.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
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